You couldn't make it up
Jul. 19th, 2007 08:02 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
catspawSome classics from a variety of Brit newspapers under the cut - unashamedly filched from Tam Cowan's column in the Daily Record. But they'e too good not to share ;-)
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said: "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph)
Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News)
Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)
A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented: "This sort of thing is all too common." (The Times)
At the height of the gale, the harbour master radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)
Mrs Irene Graham, of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out Heil Hitler." (Bournemouth Evening Echo)
"For Sale - black three-quarter length undertaker's coat, only £40. (Right shoulder slightly worn)."
LOL! The one about the gas explosion is priceless!
Commenting on a complaint from a Mr Arthur Purdey about a large gas bill, a spokesman for North West Gas said: "We agree it was rather high for the time of year. It's possible Mr Purdey has been charged for the gas used up during the explosion that destroyed his house." (The Daily Telegraph)
Police reveal that a woman arrested for shoplifting had a whole salami in her underwear. When asked why, she said it was because she was missing her Italian boyfriend. (The Manchester Evening News)
Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian)
A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented: "This sort of thing is all too common." (The Times)
At the height of the gale, the harbour master radioed a coast guard and asked him to estimate the wind speed. He replied he was sorry, but he didn't have a gauge. However, if it was any help, the wind had just blown his Land Rover off the cliff. (Aberdeen Evening Express)
Mrs Irene Graham, of Thorpe Avenue, Boscombe, delighted the audience with her reminiscence of the German prisoner of war who was sent each week to do her garden. He was repatriated at the end of 1945, she recalled. "He'd always seemed a nice friendly chap, but when the crocuses came up in the middle of our lawn in February 1946, they spelt out Heil Hitler." (Bournemouth Evening Echo)
"For Sale - black three-quarter length undertaker's coat, only £40. (Right shoulder slightly worn)."
LOL! The one about the gas explosion is priceless!
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 07:26 pm (UTC)Lucky woman!!
ROTFL
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 07:38 pm (UTC)But you have to admire that kind of quick thinking, don't you? ;-)
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 07:48 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 09:57 pm (UTC)I adore the one about the poor bugger being charged for the gas that blew him up LOL!
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 07:54 pm (UTC)A young girl who was blown out to sea on a set of inflatable teeth was rescued by a man on an inflatable lobster. A coast guard spokesman commented: "This sort of thing is all too common."
I'm trying to imagine it.. I really am but I just keep bursting into laughter at the very thought
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 09:58 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 09:07 pm (UTC)Oh the poor guy! ROTFL
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 10:00 pm (UTC)And it's so nice not having to translate 'poorless' *g*
no subject
Date: 2007-07-19 10:13 pm (UTC)Indeed! *BG*
no subject
Date: 2007-07-20 10:32 pm (UTC)